Midnight Walk / Acrylic on canvas / 20x20" / © Natasha Newton 2014
It's been so long since I posted anything on the blog. I realised a few days ago that a month had passed since my last entry, and I think that after the recent posts sharing how I've been feeling since Leon passed away, I just needed some time away from blogging. I won't lie - it's been a struggle recently. I've continued to work (in fact I seem to be producing more work than ever), I see friends and do all the normal day-to-day stuff we all have to do, but inside I feel lost without him. He has left a huge hole in my life and my heart, and I actually find I'm missing him more as time passes rather than less. I feel the actual loss more. But I continue on in the hope of better days to come. There's so much more I could write, but really there are no words to adequately describe it. I may have said that before, but there just aren't.
Midnight Walk, the new painting above, is a very special piece. This is the painting I started in Paris this summer, after finally buying a wooden easel from the art department at BHV so I could work on some larger pieces while I was there - something I'd wanted to do for a long time. Shortly after I started it, Leon's health rapidly declined. He saw this painting in its early stages and told me how much he already liked it. He was so happy that I had decided to work on some new canvas paintings in Paris - he'd been telling me to do this for months but I was always so concerned by the lack of space in our apartment, and worried the easel would get in our way.
This is the one painting that spans my two lives. My life before and after Leon. My life in the city in Paris and back at home in the countryside of Suffolk. This is the piece Leon never saw me finish; started while he was still alive and finished while I was grieving for him. This painting was collected from Paris and driven all the way home to Suffolk in the back of my mum's car. I always felt it was so important to finish it even though I knew it would be hard for me to do so. In the end, it was actually a comforting process. I felt I was doing it both for myself and for Leon. When I painted the last brushstroke, I even announced out loud to him that it was finished! I hope wherever he is that he can somehow see or knows that I managed to complete it, months after it was started. I used to show Leon each new piece of my work, and he would comment on it and always manage to give some amazing insight or thought that would have never occurred to me. It's one of the saddest and oddest things that I can no longer do that. It feels very strange, but I'm happy that I at least get to share my work with all of you.
Midnight Walk will be exhibited as part of a new collection of my work at Snape Maltings Gallery in Suffolk starting later this month and running throughout the winter season. They've given me a wall of the gallery to fill with my new paintings; it's so kind of them and has given me something to work towards, which I really need at the moment. I'll share more of my new work soon, but thank you all for your support and patience over the past few months - it helps to keep me moving forward. Onwards and upwards...